CAR T - 9

I fell behind on my scheduled posting again. I simply can't be productive in this environment. I can barely pay attention to my own thoughts, let alone get any kind of creative flow going. I'm tired of never being alone. Alone time has always been very important for me, and as always it is in extremely short supply. If I need a moment, I just have to hope that Mom starts craving a cigarette.

I really wish Mom had a hobby or a friend. Sometimes I feel like she's staring at me, waiting for me to entertain her or resenting me for being a quiet person. It's not my fault that I'm an introvert, and I'm tired of being seen as moody, angry, unhappy, depressed and all of the other things people have called me over the years. As usual, "express yourself" comes with the addendum "in ways that I approve of, or I'm going to be mad at you."

I had a fever on Saturday and was admitted to the hospital for a few days. I got some alone time, relatively speaking. Since I still had to eat hospital food and sleep in a hospital bed, it came out as a net negative anyway. At least I got to sleep without hearing the TV or talk radio for the first time in a few weeks. They finally determined that my rash was, in fact, not shingles, shaving about an hour off my average appointment visit. They still take forever and tell me nothing new.

Like it did during my stem cell transplant, the tedium is setting in. I want to go home, but it won't be any time soon. I might actually have to do my taxes while staying here, which is going to be a pain; I can't get my mail and I can't remember the password to get my pay stubs. However much I hated working in fast food, getting tax information on paper is a lot faster and easier for me.

In other news, I've joined a D&D group at long last. We actually play Pathfinder, not D&D, but the point is I finally found somebody to play a tabletop role-playing game with--people that actually know the rules and pay attention when the GM is speaking. Trying to play D&D is a Sisyphean task of finding players, scheduling a session, then starting over when nobody can make it and everybody loses interest. The most complicated game people are interested in is Candyland; maybe Monopoly if they have a real head for numbers.

I wish I had a point to this entry, but I don't. I'm bored, I'm tired, and I want to go home. At least my third session with the group is coming up shortly, and I can take my mind off of how much I don't want to be here for a minute.